Lucky you! Your calendar is filled with a variety of social events and parties this summer. Whether the invitation calls for black tie or backyard casual, here are a few rules to make you irresistible to that special (four-legged) someone:

1. Black pants attract blondes;

2. Tan pants attract brunettes and redheads;

3. White pants attract archeologists and outdoor adventurers;

4. Dry-clean-only pants like silk or linen attract aquatic athletes;

5. The newer and cleaner the pants, the faster the attraction will occur.

6. Bonus Rule: Keep in mind that your menu choice might also make you overwhelmingly popular. This attraction is temporary: Adoring, fawning behavior is merely a ploy to gain access to your wealth, which you’ve garishly displayed on your plate. If you carelessly drop or misplace your bounty, pirates will swarm to recover it. Be assured that medics and ambulance chasers will arrive quickly to assist should you meet an unfortunate accident while enjoying your meal. You’ll be cleaned up (and out) in no time.

Have a great time with friends old & new this season. If you have a comment or a dog story to share, please use the form, below. Cheers!